Cold Curry

BBC news reports that the human race will split...... It appears, according to the eminent Evolutionary theorist, Oliver Curry of the London School of Economics, that our genes are due to give us some gyp. Apparently the human species is due to split into two distinct branches. Whilst the UK's prominent business school has a long and distinguished history of prophetic utterances, it is astonishing to find that forecasting evolutionary trends now sits in the same kitchen as the, by now famous, view that by 1992 we shall all have a private helicopter, be living in the country and working from a small hand held PC. Actually, helicopter aside, the author of this blog disturbingly falls into this class. I digress. Back to the divulging humans and casting a long eye over nature's 'mis en place' in the form of technological utensils, Mr Curry tells us quite specifically that one branch of human stock will be distinctly disadvantaged having 'devolved' into dim-witted, ugly, squat goblin-like creatures, through a diet of too many hamburgers and a life style that mainly involves video games and fast cars. These poor unfortunates, he goes on to say, won't be the hottest pepper in the box and would also loose other presently socially desirable traits such as love, the ability to respect and have sympathy for others and a distinct lack of trust. It may be that these future misbegotten oddities would find some solace in our present world leaders - a moot point - but it emerges that Oliver concludes that none of the other developing humans would want to touch them with a wooden spoon. In fact one would suppose that they would be physically unable to mate due to a comparative difference in Penis size, as Mr Curry quotes massive male organs as one of the outcomes of this inevitable process, along with a solid square jaw line. Woman, on the other hand will, thankfully, not develop massive flaccid breasts but instead their mammalian glands will 'pert up' and they will, and some may cheer here, loose all their body hair whilst, hopefully, maintaining a glossy full bodied silken mane.

The report, sponsored by 'Bravo' an American satellite TV channel that has, perhaps, not the following it deserves, goes on to state that these two species will both be riddled with genetic defects as 'science' cooks up ever more relishing recipes to halt natures natural way of offloading such 'failures as cancer and disabilities. By allowing such perverted things as cripples and cancer victims to survive, Curry gleefully explains, we are creating an ecological time bomb that will, in about 1000 years time, explode; presumably creating a society of brain dead computer experts who live in the sticks alongside an immaculately intelligent race who spend most of their life going to all the best gyms and hiring 'Body Consultants'.

I would like to add a third branch of humanity to this family, one that Mr Curry has patently failed to deduce: over paid, wildly speculative 'experts' who never pass up the chance for a quick wodge of cash by posing as bona fida scientists. It may be that Oliver Curry contains in his genetic construction the embryonic model for such a species - it is certain that he stands for a cold, cruel vision of humanity - one that blithely ignores the very thing that makes us human; empathy.